Wednesday, March 26, 2014

On Open LGBTQ Relationships

On the strength of a recent radio discussion and a bloggers' lyme (have not been to one in a long time) the matter of relationships came up and as my close associates know I am not a fan of my own one on ones but do celebrate those who find love.

The matter of open relationships took a turn as most persons present seem to have had one or near attempted to do the same, what was instructive was that it was more a mixed union double gender arrangements almost a kind of behavioural or functional bisexuality.

So some tips came through:

Have you ever considered an open relationship? 

For some persons, this concept is out of the question because it's the same as cheating. But is it really? What is cheating? I define cheating as betraying an agreement that you have with your partner. As with all agreements, the terms are variable and can be adjusted to suit the desires of the parties involved. 

Your relationship is no different. So what exactly is an open relationship? Simply put, it's an arrangement where both parties in a committed relationship or marriage agree to have sexual relationships outside of their union. What are some of the rules to consider if you decide to try an open relationship?

1.First, try a light meeting - 
Before you get into an open relationship, do something casual with your partner and another person just to see how you feel about him/her being with someone else. This is a test. If you have any problems, this is the stage where you get to voice them and make adjustments.

2. Communicate - 
Before you even make the first move, you must have a serious discussion with your partner. Make a commitment to be completely open with each other and keep it.

3. Be honest with yourself - 
Inviting another person in your relationship is not something you should do lightly. Think about how it will impact your union and be honest with how you feel about it. This experience is not for everyone and if you don't want to do it, that's fine. You must be sure before you take the first step.

4.Stay away from mutual friends - 
Never invite your friends in your relationship. This will change the way you relate to them and how your partner relates to you being friends with them. Find someone new and learn about him/her with your partner.

5.Set your rules - 
The beauty about this type of relationship is that you get to decide exactly how it plays out. So set your rules. Make it very clear what's ok and what's not. Remember open relationships need the consent and cooperation of your partner in order to work.

6. Respect your home - 
Keep your date out of your home. This is sacred ground and should only be enjoyed by you and your partner. Never violate that space.

7. Set a time limit - 
How long can your partner be with that person? Yes, you get to decide that. Discuss it before you even start and stick to it.

8. Maintain your primary relationship - 
This is the most important of all the rules. For this to work you MUST always put your primary relationship first. If you have to break dates, stop talking to your new lover, or even stop the experience all together, never neglect your primary relationship.

9. Keep it physical - 
The open relationship is supposed to be a physical experience. Don't fall in love with your lover. This is hard to do but that's why we have all the other rules.

10. Set boundaries - 
Your lover should know that there is no future in your relationship. He/she must be aware that you have a primary relationship and the significance of the primary relationship.

If you do decide to try an open relationship, remember that you are inviting an unknown variable to your life. It can be the best thing you ever do or the catalyst to ruining a great relationship with your spouse. You must approach it with an open mind and keep the communication with your spouse constant and honest. Have fun and stay sexy!


Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning "many" or "several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is distinct from Swinging (which emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) and may or may not include polysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes).

Polyamory, often abbreviated as poly, is often described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy." The word is sometimes used in a broader sense to refer to sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.

The term "polyamorous" can refer to the nature of a relationship at some point in time or to a philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender or sexual orientation). It is sometimes used as an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships; polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved. Polyamory is a less specific term than polygamy, the practice or condition of having more than one spouse. (The majority of polygamous cultures are traditionally polygynous, where one husband has multiple wives. Polyandroussocieties, in which one wife has multiple husbands, are less common but do exist.) Marriage is not a requirement in polyamorous relationships. The "knowledge and consent of all partners concerned" is a defining characteristic of polyamorous relationships. Distinguishing polyamory from traditional forms of non-monogamy (e.g., "cheating") is an ideology that openness, goodwill, truthful communication, and ethical behavior should prevail among all the parties involved. As of July 2009, it was estimated that more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships existed in the United States.

People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, polyamory may embark on a polyamorous relationship when single or already in a monogamous or open relationship. Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships, which commonly consist of people seeking to build long-term relationships with more than one person on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationships. In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized according to those participating. For many, such relationships are ideally built upon values of trust, loyalty, the negotiation of boundaries, and compression, as well as overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural standards.Powerful intimate bonding among three or more persons may occur. The skills and attitudes needed to manage polyamorous relationships add challenges that are not often found in the traditional "dating-and-marriage" model of long-term relationships. Polyamory may require a more fluid and flexible approach to love relationship, and yet operate on a complex system of boundaries or rules. Additionally, participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have, nor expect their partners to have, preconceptions as to the duration of the relationship, in contrast to monogamous marriages where a lifelong union is generally the goal. However, polyamorous relationships can and do last many years


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