Sunday, October 28, 2012

Intimate Lesbian Connection


It is pretty fantastic and amazing when you consider how we fall in love, that the feeling cannot be duplicated for any one woman we have connected to. The emotion is so seducing and mind altering, research has shown that our brain chemistry resembles that of someone high on cocaine the first 3 to 9 months of dating.
High on love? Yes, it is wonderful and makes us do wonderfully stupid things- like move in together after two weeks, and no I am not pointing any fingers! We lose all reason, forget all past pains, and at first believe in an everlasting hope and happiness.

Unfortunately, after awhile the high leaves and reality sets in, and we find ourselves often confused and unsettled. We crave love and partnership so much that we either reject it completely stating we enjoy being alone (I really ca not go through this again!) or become love addicts (I love you after the first date). Very few lesbians (not just lesbians but people in general) have successful long lasting relationships. In a time of extreme stress and deadlines we have lost the art of dating and intimacy.

Intimacy not sex, anyone can have sex but intimacy is a skill. It is not about getting closer just physically but on an emotional and mental level. You have to be willing to set boundaries and make yourself vulnerable at the same time. You have to be willing to give one day and receive the next, and grow together. There needs to be an understanding that rules are required in a relationship and that they will change with people. That the only way to deal with that change is not through avoidance or anger but the art of conversation. Do you know how to ask for what you want? Can you tell me right now something you need? Again something you need, not need to help someone else? Tell me right now, look at me, what do you want? Whisper to me what you desire within you. (OK, do not get all excited we are just practicing!)

This is inner intimacy building, you need to want and desire things within yourself, and then practice sharing it with the woman you care for. Often what separates and keeps us alone is that we can not define within us our own self love. As gay women we are not supported or given the guidance that other partnerships may receive, often we seclude ourselves to our small lady circles and get stuck in the dysfunctional" dyke drama." We have reputations for being reactive and angry, yet in the self help aisles their are a millions books to help heterosexual couples and maybe 5 for us ladies. There is no manual to help us understand each other, and often we have been so rejected by society, communities, and even our own families that telling someone our thoughts, dreams and needs can be frightening.

My Ladies of Columbia we may be a small community, most of us know each other or know someone that knows someone, yet a distance lays between us. What if we learn together the art of communication and intimacy and connect on a deeper level? What would be the consequence of a community of lesbians changing together. Today as a gay woman in Columbia, what can you do differently to build intimacy within yourself and the women you share this space with. I want to get to know you!

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru
I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

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