Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Build a Lasting Lesbian Relationship

Falling in love is wonderful, but it is really the easy part of any lesbian relationship. What takes work and commitment is keeping that relationship going even after the passion fades, which it most likely will over time. Most experts agree that passionate love has a life expectancy of 2 to 4 years. So compatibility and mutual respect become increasingly important as your partnership progresses. Here are some tips to help you along. Most are applicable to any relationship, but lesbians do have some specific concerns.

  • Communication, Communication, Communication: Don't let small fissures in your relationship turn into insurmountable canyons! Let your partner know what you are thinking about big and small things. If something is bothering you, speak up. Problems can't be solved unless you talk about it.
  • Make Time For Each Other: Life's demands will always get in the way. If you don't schedule "Us" time, it probably won't happen for you. Once a time is blocked off on the calendar, then both of you know to arrange other commitments around that time. For instance, you can block out Friday nights as time you dedicate to your relationship.
  • Keep It Fresh: You know how the saying goes, "Relationships take work." Well, that is true, but it doesn't always have to have a negative connotation. If you introduce an element of surprise in your relationship, it really helps. Bringing home flowers without an occasion, making a reservation at her favorite restaurant, or suggesting an out-of-the-ordinary activity really go a long way toward keeping your partnership interesting and vibrant.

  • Grow Together, Not Apart: One really effective way to keep your relationship strong is to have shared goals. Working with your partner on a project or plan for the future can bring you closer together by increasing your time together and sharing thoughts, dividing responsibilities and even by working out your areas of disagreement. Ideas may be as simple as joining a volunteer group together or as complicated as buying and restoring an old house in the city!
  • Maintain Healthy Outside Relationships: Difficulties with family and friends can really affect the health of your partnership. Stay on good terms with people who are important to your partner. Work out problems that exist. Let your partner know that you recognize the importance of her friends and family.
  • Sex And Intimacy: At all costs avoid "Lesbian Bed Death." Sex is an important part of your relationship. Sex is strongly related to intimacy, in that the hormone oxytocin is released during the sex act. That hormone is responsible for enhancing your feelings toward your partner and is essential for long-term bonding. Another powerful hormone, dopamine, is released when you perform strenuous physical exercise. Dopamine is also thought to be responsible for feelings of passionate love. So if things are getting a little slow in the bedroom, try taking your partner our dancing before your next sexual encounter!

  • Avoid The Green Dragon: Jealousy! Unfortunately, all too common in the lesbian community, jealousy can ruin a relationship. Jealousy occurs when there is a lack of trust between partners. If you feel you are being controlled by a jealous partner or that you are jealous, confront those feelings. Discuss with your partner why you are threatened in the relationship and move past it! Get professional help if you need it.
  • Compromise: You can't always have things your own way...and neither can your partner. Compromise involves keeping the relationship on even ground; keeping the balance between you. One strategy is to internally rate how important an issue is to you when you disagree with your spouse. If you silently rate the problem as a 1 or a 2, let it go. If you are rating the importance as a 9 or 10, then continue the dialog and work toward a solution you both can live with.
  • Stay Connected: Keep in touch with the lesbian/gay community. Unlike hetero couples, homosexuals have virtually no societal support. Having other LGBT friends, attending LGBT events and going to local clubs can really fend off the social isolation that many of us endure.
  • Maintain Good Health: Hey, nothing is sexier and more romantic than a clean, healthy body! Take care of yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep and exercise regularly.
Keeping a relationship healthy is definitely worth the effort it takes. Just consider how miserable you have been in past relationships that have gone bad. Then remember how wonderful this woman has made you feel. The trick is keeping on top of it and never, never taking your partner or the relationship for granted. If you set your relationship as your #1 priority, you have the best chance of a satisfying and happy future together!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Lasting Lesbian Relationships

 Frequently, I am asked, "Why do lesbian relationships seem to not last longer than 3 years?" I am not certain that is necessarily true. Long-term lesbian relationships often go unnoticed because they are not involved in community drama! They maintain normal, balanced lives that emanate stability.

Sure, there are lesbians who enter relationships with "exit plans"; they are prepared for things to not work out. The relationship's demise may be attributed to ignorance about how-to live as a couple. For instance, they do not have joint plans or ownership about anything. They maintain inventory of who owns what: furniture, kitchen stuff, lawnmower, grill, office desk, bedding, etc. They do not plan their lives together; they do not grow together; they do not dream together.

The length of a relationship does not always mean it is happily successful. Some couples stay together because they fear the unknown of separation more than they dread staying together. However, for those lesbian couples who are blessed with happy relationships, have highlighted key elements that contribute to their success:

Lots of love - Keep the passion alive
Compatibility on key issues - Politics, religion, kids, purchases, money
Communication - Listen and try to understand
Remember the Small Things - Show that you pay attention to details and to what is important
Trust - Have no secrets and be transparent
Respect - Appreciate each other and have an equal partnership
Consideration - Put her first in your world

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Intimate Lesbian Connection

It is pretty fantastic and amazing when you consider how we fall in love, that the feeling cannot be duplicated for any one woman we have connected to. The emotion is so seducing and mind altering, research has shown that our brain chemistry resembles that of someone high on cocaine the first 3 to 9 months of dating.
High on love? Yes, it is wonderful and makes us do wonderfully stupid things- like move in together after two weeks, and no I am not pointing any fingers! We lose all reason, forget all past pains, and at first believe in an everlasting hope and happiness.

Unfortunately, after awhile the high leaves and reality sets in, and we find ourselves often confused and unsettled. We crave love and partnership so much that we either reject it completely stating we enjoy being alone (I really ca not go through this again!) or become love addicts (I love you after the first date). Very few lesbians (not just lesbians but people in general) have successful long lasting relationships. In a time of extreme stress and deadlines we have lost the art of dating and intimacy.

Intimacy not sex, anyone can have sex but intimacy is a skill. It is not about getting closer just physically but on an emotional and mental level. You have to be willing to set boundaries and make yourself vulnerable at the same time. You have to be willing to give one day and receive the next, and grow together. There needs to be an understanding that rules are required in a relationship and that they will change with people. That the only way to deal with that change is not through avoidance or anger but the art of conversation. Do you know how to ask for what you want? Can you tell me right now something you need? Again something you need, not need to help someone else? Tell me right now, look at me, what do you want? Whisper to me what you desire within you. (OK, do not get all excited we are just practicing!)

This is inner intimacy building, you need to want and desire things within yourself, and then practice sharing it with the woman you care for. Often what separates and keeps us alone is that we can not define within us our own self love. As gay women we are not supported or given the guidance that other partnerships may receive, often we seclude ourselves to our small lady circles and get stuck in the dysfunctional" dyke drama." We have reputations for being reactive and angry, yet in the self help aisles their are a millions books to help heterosexual couples and maybe 5 for us ladies. There is no manual to help us understand each other, and often we have been so rejected by society, communities, and even our own families that telling someone our thoughts, dreams and needs can be frightening.

My Ladies of Columbia we may be a small community, most of us know each other or know someone that knows someone, yet a distance lays between us. What if we learn together the art of communication and intimacy and connect on a deeper level? What would be the consequence of a community of lesbians changing together. Today as a gay woman in Columbia, what can you do differently to build intimacy within yourself and the women you share this space with. I want to get to know you!

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru
I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Lesbian Love - First Kiss Tips For Girls

Possibly the most intimate non-sexual action between two people is the kiss but, as with so many other things, a kiss is not a simple act. One kiss, one style of kissing is not the same as another; there is considerably more behind a kiss than just an expression of love. In some countries the kiss is an accepted form of greeting, regardless of gender, with two people kissing one another on the cheek having the same meaning as shaking hands. In many societies today it is also acceptable to kiss close friends direct on the lips as a greeting, without there being any more intimate or loving relationship, although this is mainly restricted to younger women.

The type of kiss between two people can have various meanings: a sign of friendship; a simple greeting; a sign of love or more. A kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the cheek, the kissing of a person's hand, a kiss on the lips, each one depends on the level of friendship, the relationship between the two parties, what the person giving wishes to convey. The style of kiss also depends on the type of meeting, whether it is formal or friendly and, to a great extent, what is acceptable in a particular society or country.
Building up a relationship between two people is no easy matter, regardless of gender. Building up a lesbian relationship, however, is the same as for heterosexual couples, the only difference being that both are the same gender. In both cases mutual interests play a role, as does mutual attraction, love and, to a certain extent, sexual attraction. As with all other relationships, trust and understanding, an ability to talk and to listen, understanding for the other person and the ability to compromise play their parts too.
One of the easiest means two people can express their love for one another, aside from the use of words, is through kissing. A loving kiss shared is something very special indeed, but also something which needs to be learned, which needs a certain amount of practice and which, at the very start of a relationship, can cause problems. Unsure of where a relationship is going, or if one is even beginning, it is difficult to judge exactly how to kiss another woman. A great deal depends on the situation, on the surroundings, on the level of friendship - or passion - which has already been built up between the pair. It also depends on whether both parties, both women, are aware that there is an interest on the part of their kisser and how deep this interest goes, whether the person kissing already knows for certain that the woman they are kissing is a lesbian too. There are still, in many societies and in many smaller communities, no matter how free a society may claim to be, personal restrictions which prevent a clear showing of sexual leanings.

A kiss is not just a kiss. The touching of lips is a small part of the whole, not even the beginning of a kiss and, hopefully, also not the end. A kiss begins with the mind; the decision that you wish to kiss someone, that you attracted to them enough to show one of the most intimate signs of attraction. It begins with communication, not necessarily through words but words are also a very good means of communicating a desire to kiss, depending on the situation. Body language, especially the eyes and the way a person touches another, also plays a major role. Standing close to them and looking into their eyes, reading what their body language tells you, is not easy but, with the right person, there is a silent level of communication, of mutual understanding possible.

One of the most important things to remember when kissing someone for the first time is not to go overboard, not to force the other person into a situation they are perhaps not prepared for. A light kiss directly on the lips is probably the best way to begin, followed by careful observation of how your partner reacts. For some a kiss on the lips can come as a shock, not necessarily a bad one, but a pleasant surprise. It can also lead to the return of a kiss, which is what is clearly hoped for. Once it is clear that the kiss has been accepted, that it is desired, kissing can literally take its own course. Lesbians, just the same as anyone else, allow their emotions to control their reactions when it comes to the more pleasurable, intimate things in life.

Still, there is much more to a kiss than just a peck on the lips and the reading of body language. A woman's lips are very sensitive, for many even an erogenous zone, which, coupled with other parts of the body, can bring on more than just platonic reactions. Other parts of the body can enhance the effects of a kiss when touched or stroked, such as a person's neck, their arms, their hands. In public, bearing in mind the mores of a civilized society, the caressing of a woman's breasts would not necessarily be acceptable but, in private it is a different matter, once the level of kissing has gone beyond the initial stage. More intimate actions, such as intimate touching, should be saved for later; it is best not to grab and feel right from the start of a relationship as this can quickly create the wrong impression.

There are many different forms of kissing: a kiss directly on the lips, quick and light; a direct kiss on the lips with more pressure and duration; a kiss with use of the tongue around the lips; a kiss with the tongue inside your partners mouth; gentle biting of the lips; kissing other parts of the body such as her cheeks, neck, ears and so on. Kissing can also involve intense use of the tongue, both inside and outside of the mouth, light biting and sucking although, at the beginning of a relationship, it is best to be careful and not dive into an advanced love-making session immediately.

Kissing is also an act which requires time. A quick kiss on the cheek, the lips or the forehead will usually be interpreted as a mere greeting and nothing more than that, especially if, having kissed, you move back too far immediately. Something more intense, an act of love, should be handled slowly and with care, concentrating your complete attention on the person being kissed as if there is nothing more important for you in the world, as if you have all the time available just for them. The lightest first kiss on the lips should be followed up by not moving away, by inviting the woman you have kissed to kiss you back, by looking into her eyes, judging her reaction and, when you are sure, kissing her again with slightly more intensity, longer duration. Once you have overcome the first hurdle, perhaps overcome your own uncertainty or shyness and kissed for the first time, events will take their natural course.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Secret Orgasm Tips For Women

As women we are generally a lot more reserved about sex and our sexuality, so these secret orgasm tips for women may well help you to feel more comfortable about giving yourself pleasure and enjoying the body that god gave you.  

#1 You need firstly to plan some time when you will be uninterrupted and you can be alone without the risk of being disturbed.  
#2 Run a hot bath and have a good soak. Take some music in with you, a book, light some candles or use some scented sticks. Whatever you find the most relaxing is ideal. Take your time to soak and wash yourself slowly whilst gently and purposefully exploring your most sensitive areas.  
#3 After your soak, take a look through some magazines to find pictures of men that you find particularly attractive, watch a film that contains someone that you think looks hot, or simply close your eyes and fantasize about someone in your life that really turns you on.  
#4 Get comfortable wherever you like, on the bed, sofa, a rug whatever you find the most relaxing. Make sure your are warm and relaxed. If you want to intensify things a little more, try having a glass or two of your favorite alcoholic drink.  
#5 Slowly run your fingers over your body, applying some moisturizer or body rub over yourself may make this feel a little more natural, all the time you should be focusing on your favorite erogenous zones, gently massage your breasts and roll your nipples in between your fingers.  

Explore a little further down, by gently cupping your vaginal area. Try massaging the lips using a finger and thumb, in an up and down motion.
Next, locate the clitoris which is a small flap of skin just inside the opening and play with this a little, rub it, massage it, tap it, try a few different approaches to decide on what feels the best for you.   Finally use your fingers or a vibrator to explore inside, you are looking for something called the g spot which you should find about two to three inches in on the upper wall, it feels like a small mound of skin slightly raised from the surface a little higher than the surrounding areas.  

This is one of the best secret orgasm tips for women that most men don't know exists, this area is where you will find is the most pleasurable to touch. Apply gentle but constant pressure to the area until to bring yourself to your own secret orgasm.  

To be totally confident in your own sexuality it is important that you know where you like to be touched and when, by trying out these secret orgasm tips for women yourself you will be able to help your partner become a better lover, so you don't end up feeling frustrated every time he comes too soon.
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